I went for a PSP event today at Jurong West Public Library. It was quite fun but boring at times. We borrowed books on optical illusions. However, today was the day which I have felt many feelings.

While waiting for the bus home, Faris chatted with me about how he felt about year 3. He said that he changed a lot since secondary school. I asked myself the same question, how have I changed?

I found out that the new PSP committee has been confirmed. I also had mixed feelings about the issue. I felt happy that I did not make it to the committee. I do not have to make extra committments to the CCA. However, I also felt disheartened too. I have helped out for most of their events but still did not make it to the committee. I am not satisfied. Furthermore, I DO NOT like to be led and told excessively what to do, which is probably what PSP does. Allocate you to work and start work with specific instructions and occasionally some commands. I just hate the feeling that I am being told what to do. Is this being power hungry?

Having said that, I realised that I have also made my life miserable and more difficult by feeling so. I have made quite a number of people angry and others worry for me.

This habit of mine started ever since I was in primary school. I remember myself losing a number of close friends through what I have done. Ever since, I have even started to hate prefects/councillors due to my feelings. It really left a wound on me.

Now, I feel that I did not change at all a d also wonder how I am going to react to the announcement of the new committee. Im not pleased with myself – I ruined myself in HI! Club already. I just hope that I can bring myself to feel better.

I am an introvert as always and with little friends, I sometimes feel that there is something wrong with me. Is there something wrong with me, my attitude or my behavior?